Roadside Adventures at Raidaran

It’s been over a month (I accidentally deleted the original copy) but I thought I’d share some words from my experience at the European Adventure Racing Championships held in Northern Spain in July. The Raidaran Adventure Race looked super exciting, with a total elevation gain of approximately 15,000m it would be a 400km journey from the small mountain town of Veilha to the city of Lleida in the Catalonia district. I didn’t need much convincing, and in mid- July I found myself booking flights to Barcelona to join a mixed team from Estonia, Latvia and Denmark. Meeting the boys at the airport the day before the race I could tell it was going to be a lot of fun because I was in stitches already!

I’ll be the first to admit that it wasn’t the best build up to a race I’ve ever had. I didn’t sleep much in the days before the race as they were spend frantically sourcing all the gear we would need (I had very little with me) and when the bus was late to registration, we had only a few hours before the start to register and set up all our gear. They say an adventure race starts the day before and this one certainly did! Despite the added time pressure we all pressed on and got it done. It was a relief when the hooter sounded and we could finally get going.

The first 48 hours went really well as we ascended and descended some decent mountains in and around the stunning valley of Vall d’Aran. I was impressed with how a ‘bunch of randoms’, as I so elegantly put it, could work together so cohesively – that was until I found myself horizontal…

Looking back it must have been a mixture of heat exhaustion, severe dehydration and tiredness, exasperated by high blood sugars. On the second night, we had all started to battle some sleep monsters on our bikes and after I toppled into the gutter, we decided to stop for our first sleep of the race – a glorious 15 minutes. This seemed to revive us and we made good progress up the mountain. However, in the early hours I started to feel quite strange and stopped to go to the loo. From that point I went downhill pretty fast and I have never felt that removed from my body. As if in a bad dream, I watched helplessly as a third party observer of a fierce battle between my body and mind to move. I don’t remember much. I was slipping in and out of consciousness, as the boys tried to feed and water me on the side of the road. I did feel as if my mind was playing mean tricks on my body to get it to stop. Apparently I was complaining that I couldn’t feel the left side of my body. I was equally insistent that we keep going, but when the boys tried to put me back on my bike I swayed and feel over.

I only really felt as if I woke up in the ambulance, hooked up to a big bag of saline. As the reality set in I felt suffocated with disappointment and devastation. I just couldn’t hold it together as I sobbed to the ambulance staff to take me back. I have never pulled out of a race before and it took me a few days to put it in perspective. It is only a race. I am ok. I don’t need to prove myself to anyone. I couldn’t help feeling flooded with guilt and ‘what if’ scenarios. What if I’d tried harder to force water and food down? I was just so gutted by the possible conclusion that I had given up. The funny thing about the mind is that it tends to latch on to the negative when you are tired, vulnerable and weak. What if the the boys had known and trusted me better, and then maybe they would have waited longer for me to recover before they called the ambulance? They must have been so worried and I can’t blame them for calling for help, they did the best they could in a difficult situation – a situation that I hate to have put them in. You see I feel that it is my responsibility to manage my diabetes as only I know my body. To put my team and my health in jeopardy is not fair. I understand that this is part of team racing, everyone will suffer at some point, but there are more variables at play when racing with a chronic illness.

So I find myself asking the question, can my love, passion and drive for adventure sport outweigh the inherent frustrations, confidence-blows and risk of health complications that accompany diabetes?

Adventure racing and diabetes are quite similar really, they are both unpredictable and tough at times, and they both require adaptability, perseverance and positivity to conquer and thrive. By doing what I love in the outdoors I am embodying the message that I want to spread about diabetes and to all those living with chronic illness. Diabetes should not stop you from achieving anything you want to in this life. We decide how we let chronic illness affect us. The most important story is the one we tell ourselves. We cannot always control the obstacles in our way but we can change the story we tell ourselves about them. It is all about mindset. If we can only learn to better love and respect our bodies, by finding the time to exercise regularly, prepare and eat fresh, wholesome foods and give ourselves permission to relax and unwind, then we will have more stable blood sugar levels. This will not only make us feel better but will reduce the amount of insulin we administer. If we can spend less time intervening with, reacting to and stressing about what our levels, then we can spend more time actually living! It’s that simple. Yet so many people (also yet to get diabetes) ride the blood glucose roller coaster and feel bad with it.

Hence there is much work to be done and I am extremely passionate about improving people’s quality of life by educating and perhaps even inspiring them to make positive changes. I acknowledge that I walk a fine line. Diabetes is a silent killer with dire health complications but you can also live very well with it. It is a constant struggle between highlighting the serious risks for people to understand, while at the same time trying to appear in control and care-free. The truth is, unless you are a diabetic you may not ever fully understand what it is like for us and you certainly will not know what it is like trying to push your body with it.

Such is life. I don’t want pity, just a little empathy sometimes.

I will make no secret of the fact that amongst other things, I want to win a Coast to Coast title in the coming years. A childhood dream of mine! I want to also climb the world rankings with my AR team Next Generation in the coming years.

I know that the road to these goals will have its bumps but I am coming to accept this as part of life. Raidaran didn’t finish how I had hoped it would for our team but I have taken some real learnings from the experience. I have faced my weaknesses again and I am working on creating a solid internal environment that will not be wavered when external factors threaten to disrupt the peace. I am learning that perfection doesn’t exist, it is about progressing and enjoying that process, learning to overcome obstacles with a strong and clear mind. I do believe a strong mind can endure anything and the body will follow.

Now I must thank Torpedo7 for their continued support and like always, I hope to be seeing you all out there!